


When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by

by DarchangelSkye



Category: American Idol RPF, Music RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Backstage, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, Friendship, Gen, Wordcount: 500-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-07
Updated: 2013-03-07
Packaged: 2017-12-04 13:58:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/711505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarchangelSkye/pseuds/DarchangelSkye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ugh, Charlie, you had to give everybody the feels ;.;</p>
            </blockquote>





	When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by

It was drowning. No, even worse than drowning, because he wasn't surrounded by water but by the constant buzzing and drones of dread and the self-recriminations kicking away at his head from the inside. _You blew it! You blew it again!_

He'd had to keep his head down because the Coca-Cola redness of backstage was bleeding into his senses, and was probably matching his blotched skin and bloodshot eyes by now, _freak, Freak!_

Somebody- Nick?- had been rubbing his back, Ryan had gathered probably water bottle in the building before ducking back out to face the cameras once more, and he could hear one of the girls muttering some very un-PC words with 'Minaj' interjected in there somewhere. They were pitying him. God, he hated that just about as much as feeling like this-

Eventually Charlie had to take a breath, ragged as it was.

"Y'OK, man?" he recognized the voice to his left, yeah, it was Nick.

A robotic nod. "Um, uh, yeah, thanks-" he rubbed his wrist across his face, wincing slightly as his beaded bracelet scraped.

OK. Like he remembered what that felt like right now.

"Don't beat yourself up, man, it's not Nicki whose voting. Don't think she can even make up her mind what kind of judge she's trying to be."

Voting, oh jesus, there was that buzzing in his head again.

A breath from his right, somehow Charlie knew that was Lazaro. "All the r..reporters, it's going to be cr...cr...a mess," and Charlie laughed to himself because he knew Lazaro was trying to be polite and not say the big 'crazy' word. Heart of gold, he had.

"Yeah, if you find me within 10 feet of an Internet connection, stop me from looking," he rubbed his face again and somehow found the will to lift his head again. Augh, still same bright reds. He reached for a water bottle to drink and cool the ashes simmering inside.

"You've got a lot of love comin' your way, buddy, and it's _not_ pity," Nick said as if he was reading the kid's mind. "You heard what Ryan said, that takes a lot of guts."

"You haven't b-been the only one," he heard Lazaro's murmur as if from far away. Yeah, in his more rational moments he knew that, knew that others had a hell of a lot of worse, some of those others being in the same room with him right now, but when your brain screamed at you rationality went right out the window.

Leapt right out and drowned.

Charlie palmed his hands over his face even as he heard Ryan's footsteps and smelled his hairspray approaching. "Charlie, your family's outside the door. Is it OK they come in?"

"Er...yeah." He lowered his fingertips enough to get a look at Ryan's expression. Same as before. "Thank you," he whispered.

"We can l-l-leave you alone," Lazaro offered and he and Nick started to rise from their seats.

"No, guys, it's OK," Charlie lowered his hands and an honest-to-goodness actual smile, small as it was, crept to his lips. Even with an underlying sense of doom, he knew to be grateful. "I wish this was easier-" he sniffed and rubbed his red eyes once more.

"It will be," Nick said in the eternal optimism Charlie so envied. "Idol's a family. We all got your back."

Somehow, Charlie found he could believe it.


End file.
